Monday, June 8, 2015

Sweet and Sour

I have been doing a lot of reflection here in these last few weeks. I have learned a lot about the importance of the love the Lord has for me. 
I have always added at the end of that phrase that the "Lord love me" with another few words "because I did...". 
In these last few weeks where I cannot measure my success and effort with a number or a face, I lost focus a little bit and let the adversary convince me that I was wasting time being out here in the mission. That I was just wandering around and tagging along. Solely because I couldn't see the physical and numerical progression that I have been able to see throughout my mission every single day previously.
I did a lot of pondering. A lot of praying. A lot of reading. And no words on paper can describe what I have learned. God loves me. And not "because I do" but rather "in spite of the fact that I do...". He does not measure who I am or the effort I give through other´s opinion of me nor the fact that I numerically cannot show him what I have done. 
He looks at my soul. He looks at me way deeper than I have been able to achieve and through His grace He has carried me to heights that I cannot comprehend.
I have felt these last few weeks the Lord supporting me physically as well as spiritually. Physically I am not doing so well. The 19 months of pure work has taken its toll on my poor young body. Rest is needed but rest cannot be found. We work until the last day. God carries me.
My mission president sent me a thank you this week that I don't believe that I deserve. But I know that I have let the Atonement take place in my mission and I might deserve that praise he gave me only through the merits and mercy of He who knows. My gracious Savior, my dear Redeemer, my one true friend. Jesus Christ of whom I testify in every moment that I can. He is who has made me able to receive the success I have received. I am so grateful for this time of my life. I cannot express
I know that this is my second to last email. It is a heart wrenching and exhilarating moment at the same time. Sweet and sour. Excited to start a new chapter but broken inside to have to leave a race that I adore with all my heart. My heart stays in Chile. But my spirit will come home with me to start to complete what the Lord aspires of me.
Love you lots!
Hermana Farner

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